Hatred

Hate myself so much...

I can understand the meaning 'life is about experiencing...' 

but I just don't do it like what I said

I think I am a failure...I cannot overcome my ego

之所以这么想当全班最优秀的学生是因为前所未拥有过这个胜利的骄傲。在马来西亚，我是不可能会有这样的成绩！

我一直觉得我需要见counsellor，因为我一直认为学业上的一切是为了和别人竞争，让自己胜利，赢，名利

可能是受到在大马的学习环境影响下产生了这种状况，什么都要和人争赢，要成为最好，最出色的。

从出生到现在，好像都没有做过任何出息的事情。做坏的就一大堆！

为什么我那么执著成果？赢了全世界又如何呢？名和利真的很重要？

I find it difficult and I don't think I have any positive abilities to persuade people to give me that job. What if I couldn't persuasive people to hire me?

I always compare myself toward others. I'm not happy about myself.

It's about your own future. They are nothing to your future...

How can I improve my writing skills?

I feel awful

Very dissatisfied about today. =(

Maybe teachers believes I have the ability to cope well now. So they haven't given much attentions to me.

Well, at least should give some eye-contact during lectures...

There are 5 new students from various background. There are 1 girl which she previously haven't complete a Cert IV but meant to be to do it later.

I felt unfair to us because she hasn't started the basic. Perhaps to me only! 1 guy from the other campus previous studied from other campus cert IV in marketing which he had bad experienced. He said his class was 3x larger than our class. I think that's horrified. 1 girl from Texas. 2 girls unknown. Basically, the 3 girls talked a lot rubbish in the middle of the lectures...

I know it's silly and selfish to say I don't like them. And we have to meet different people in our life. I think I stay too much in my comfort zone.

My worries which are unable to maintain my marks well. I understood the learning process is important than the result. But it is too difficult for me to unwind myself. I don't know why. I hate myself now. Perhaps I should chant more and hope gohonzon provide me wiser wisdom to deal with everything.

The library has been renovated and move into new area which is massive and beautiful like the other campus Footscray Park near to my apartment.

More shelves and computer now and that's mean I can read and borrow more books! More seating areas and innovative lounge decoration.