31st March 2014 11:11AM

Dearest,

Yesterday marked my 2 years of membership in Australia and dad's birthday.

Today I have strong connection when I'm chanting to Gohonzon.
I vowed to have a life long kosen-rufu partner. Found this article from one of the blog by Jamie Silver Lee whom one of the member find it useful to make a set of determination for kosen-rufu partner.
The last bottom page which has a empty space to sign and write date. I decided to give it a go and written today date.

I pray to create value with my partner to make every land a Buddha Land. With respect and love, bring forth our buddhahood with love and compassion to shine through all people who are struggling in their love relationship.

I have been struggling for more than two weeks, feeling suffer and sorrow. Lacking of appreciation how my partner treated me. I love him completely and accepted the way he is which he wanted me from the very beginning; vice versus, it end up I pray he could accept me completely for who I am now. I am complaining. The behaviour and attitude have completely changed and swap between two of us. Lacking of treasure. Losing attractions and attentions. These are all the pain karma I have created in the past towards him and now in returns he did the same back to me. I must eradicate karmic retribution with Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.

He didn't message me anymore whenever he got up in the morning, of course I am upset. He is getting away and far away from me. I believe I have fulfilled my mission to encourage him to actively participate in activities. Now, perhaps is the time to move on? I can feel, the true feelings is not there from him anymore. Perhaps is just because busy with other things? I don't know. Doubts? YES. Chant? YES. Study? YES. Practice. YES. Someone told me to stop feeding love because it will stop someone to treasuring and appreciating while too much on it.
I ask Gohonzon, how can I improve this relationship? With wisdom, courage and compassion.
How can I strengthen the bond between us? Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.

I just want to tell the whole world, I still love you very much. My attention is all still you.

xoxo

星期天孤单的一个人

星期天对很多人来说，都是一个很轻松又自由的一天。可是这一天对我来说却是很无奈、孤单、矛盾。。。
从起床的那一刻，我只想填饱早上的肚子，再去忙该忙的东西。
他、睡到很迟才起身，因为三点钟早上还未睡。我很困、不管他，就这样熟睡了下去。我们过了一个很不愉快的晚上。
他对着我冷冰冰的语气和模样，内心真的很难过。
我只好跪在御本尊唱题。几分钟后，眼泪红框了的眼神，走到他身边。。。
就这样，他抱着我，我分享了我的不满。我不要短暂的幸福，我要永恒的幸福。每次唱题过后，都有开心的事情发生。我不要继续这样子。。他没回答什么，只是一直得轻拍着我的背。
到底要怎么办，我才能坚强的过活？
我真的很难过。。。
说着就这样带过去，他陪我做了勤行。然后，很想把佛坛上面，装上一个长灯。做了一些热research，就这样说了一句，走、去看看。说实在的，我们沟通语言常常有问题，一点小时就不开心，要如何过人世？
他，真的变了很多很多，从一个不爱讲话的男生，没有什么朋友；到变成了一个爱到处交友的人，既然见识了那么多不同的人，常为了点事情生我的气，不喜欢我的时候，为什么还要继续的交往？我真的无法明白这个动机。
从我的角度来看，我只是带动了他去广布的使命，并和前度带动我的使命一样没有分别。
到底我们会不会长久下去，如何相处根本就是一个超级大的问题。
他离我而去的音乐组，独自一人的去了买材料今晚烹饪。
回到家对着冷冰冰的屋子，我又难过了起来。。。
几时才能把这种痛苦的宿业转换掉？

这一刻...我哭了

放了学后，只为见一面，带来不开心的争执，何必？简直是自讨苦吃的白痴！
难道除了批评我，不能接受我的坏处之外，这到底是不是爱？
爱不是理所当然的讨厌对方，盼着臭脸、一点小事情就生气的！
如果不能接受我的全部，为什么当初要选择在一起？
若你是重视我的，就包容我的全部，不要只会生气地责备我。
已经说了我不饿、还要硬硬的走去餐馆里。
从此以后我都不会将不开心的说出来，你也不必扮演学会安慰的角色了！
我没有倾诉的对象、只有知己可以分享我的悲哀。
我知道你不会是我的守护天使，你并不会陪伴我到最后的那一位。。。
是我的太天、真的相信我能改变命运！简直是宿业的涌现，让我盲目的眼睛擦亮双眼。
当然我明白也体谅你扶着重大的责任与课业，难道你就不能再济一点点爱给我吗？
我感觉很痛苦很痛苦，因为你给我的爱是短暂而到后来是带着面具的自私鬼。
祈求你能寻找到你的幸福，早日解决这个关系！不要再拖着我痛苦的走下去。。。
再见