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Dearest,
Finally, I can smile from the bottom of my heart :) I'm wearing the best make up ever and best sleeping mask from now on! yes yes yes!
Good night ;)
Xoxo
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Friday, May 23, 2014
Blue Friday
Dearest,
Wake up in the morning, sleep too much. Taking pics at D zzz.
Coc level 8 upgraded.
Coc level 8 upgraded.
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Someone working at home.
Wash bed linens and blankets.
Made Myojo for D, Penang Curry for myself.
Rjrju left Millionaire; his face 180 degree changed.
Gave notebook he needed for Jap, he Thanks x3? I only heard once except mad at me the way I speak again.
He said going to LH place chanting at 7pm. Last night told me getting flute as I am the last to know what is going on. I am very upset being treated in this way.
Forgot wallet and get it down for D...
Chanting and gongyo in room as someone speaking on phone whole noon.
Very upset...
The music fill up my loneliness and emotions...
Planning to have dinner in city before meeting up A.M at station for Yuko's chanting. I need that motivation to be better, not being influential by environment.
I know, he won't be here for me tonight. Very busy for everything. No one see my appreciation, I will pay my debt of gratitude for you. Hold my tears and anger.
Talk to you soon again.
xoxo
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Exam Day 1
Dearest,
Woke up in tiredness, been rolling a lot of times and awaken in the middle of sleep. Got up at 8.30am, Michael and Jess went to uni early as they were aware time for exam changed. It was mentioned in the revision powerpoint as well as in the revision class last week. Had my usual Maggie+coffee for morning. Get a cuppa at 7-11 Freshwater place, I was told to not tell anyone the return of voucher from the cashier. Lol, aren't they free when you just cashout in any of those 7-11 atm?
Reached uni nearly 11.30am, caught up with Jess, saw Dagny and Winnie, later Claire is here for B2B revision. Booked a room after Michael came in, last revision for Contemporary Employment Issues. Had a good discussion again. 1pm going for lunch with Jess and Dagny at Maccas.
My name was not on the list for exam. I was added last number 52 in overall, sat next to Winnie. Lawrence came and smiling at me and ask How are you, Good luck for exam. Sweat "_"
Exam was okay. Full of confident at first, getting less and less at the back.
Finished exam at 5.12pm, left after washroom. On the way to D at RMIT... Managed to caught the train on time. Received a voicemail from a man - barely understand any of the words except telling me to call back with number. Without anymore thoughts, I just ended and listen to my music.
Had dinner at Hungry Jack with $5 Large Beef Burger meal across RMIT. Head back home drop stuff, movie at Village Cinema Crown - 3D X Men: Days of the Future Past. Village card has 2 $9 tix can be claimed on him. Plus $4 extra because of 3D. Prepared with own 3D glasses. No junk for this time. Brought own Strawberry Pocky and Whittakes White chocolates.
Before the movie started, I read through e-mails, one of them from dad. No intention on applying visa. Got pretty much upset again. I knew it. I should not expect anything. But 愤气, I am worried. Yes when D asked me, I am very very. Ammie told me chances is very slim, but have faith and focus on exam. Yes, I should not let this put me down. I want to show actual proof.
Home. Called the person drop voicemail. Shower. Waiting brother to send me the futon. I must sell off my things in reasonable price so I could have some money back to keep and save for bonds if I am moving somewhere. I researched on remaining relative visa again - one of the subclass 835 actually available to apply for those who live in Australia. Not as what dad said just only outside of Australia because it is another subclass. However, I am unsure if this must included parent in the visa application.
D get annoyed because he thought I did not invite him for evening gongyo. =/
Night... what an upset day for me.
xoxo
Woke up in tiredness, been rolling a lot of times and awaken in the middle of sleep. Got up at 8.30am, Michael and Jess went to uni early as they were aware time for exam changed. It was mentioned in the revision powerpoint as well as in the revision class last week. Had my usual Maggie+coffee for morning. Get a cuppa at 7-11 Freshwater place, I was told to not tell anyone the return of voucher from the cashier. Lol, aren't they free when you just cashout in any of those 7-11 atm?
Reached uni nearly 11.30am, caught up with Jess, saw Dagny and Winnie, later Claire is here for B2B revision. Booked a room after Michael came in, last revision for Contemporary Employment Issues. Had a good discussion again. 1pm going for lunch with Jess and Dagny at Maccas.
My name was not on the list for exam. I was added last number 52 in overall, sat next to Winnie. Lawrence came and smiling at me and ask How are you, Good luck for exam. Sweat "_"
Exam was okay. Full of confident at first, getting less and less at the back.
Finished exam at 5.12pm, left after washroom. On the way to D at RMIT... Managed to caught the train on time. Received a voicemail from a man - barely understand any of the words except telling me to call back with number. Without anymore thoughts, I just ended and listen to my music.
Had dinner at Hungry Jack with $5 Large Beef Burger meal across RMIT. Head back home drop stuff, movie at Village Cinema Crown - 3D X Men: Days of the Future Past. Village card has 2 $9 tix can be claimed on him. Plus $4 extra because of 3D. Prepared with own 3D glasses. No junk for this time. Brought own Strawberry Pocky and Whittakes White chocolates.
Before the movie started, I read through e-mails, one of them from dad. No intention on applying visa. Got pretty much upset again. I knew it. I should not expect anything. But 愤气, I am worried. Yes when D asked me, I am very very. Ammie told me chances is very slim, but have faith and focus on exam. Yes, I should not let this put me down. I want to show actual proof.
Home. Called the person drop voicemail. Shower. Waiting brother to send me the futon. I must sell off my things in reasonable price so I could have some money back to keep and save for bonds if I am moving somewhere. I researched on remaining relative visa again - one of the subclass 835 actually available to apply for those who live in Australia. Not as what dad said just only outside of Australia because it is another subclass. However, I am unsure if this must included parent in the visa application.
D get annoyed because he thought I did not invite him for evening gongyo. =/
Night... what an upset day for me.
xoxo
Monday, May 19, 2014
High and Low Monday
Dearest,
Had conversation with H.X. while travelling on train, becoming strong for each other and supportive. Feel so grateful.
Reached uni. Print B2B hardcopy and drop at assignment box. Booked room at 12pm with Michael, Jess and Teresa. Then Winnie came to join us. Had lunch at 1.38pm Maccas. Michael started to ask about my 'boyfriend' and told him is 'Dylan' not your friend Dylan. LOL Explained a bit of background and everyone suddenly get interested in my age. Again! yes after Saturday. Winnie 86, me 87, Teresa 88, Michael and Jess forgotten haha... anyway I was defined as "look like 18". >_<"
I dressed up in peach colour jumper, grey skirt with Myer denim tartan pattern opaque stocking black and red to match my black shoes. Through this look, I think except living in Malaysia. Melburnians can hardly tell what's my exact age :p
Had a lot good discussion even while having Maccas talking about Japan and conversation in Japanese. Michael is gentleman :) offered me to throw away the rubbish. And he started to tease me about spreading rumours and we been talking about T.S. how he treat all the international students with that behaviour. Yuck.
Back to the room, with a little of squishy small room yet fulfilling discussion with examples are important to get through things to be covered in exam. I am so satisfy with discussion :) This is a good proper way to study and learning from each other. That reminds me how Geron teach me a lot for Accounting Principle in my 1st semester with Holmesglen.
Finished uni discussion. Left Holmesglen. Called him. He already at station. Cool. Meet at Flinders Station. Reach before him. Hate waiting and wasting time. Decided to walk home as no response from message. Collected mail, took cape, fill water bottle, pick up his books and games, left. Pwc, he called. Pass him books, can tell clearly written on the face "piss off". Rained, open umbrella. No plan of doing anything. I'm pissed off in my heart, did not show out at all.
Throughout tram journey to Melb Central. Give a very black face to me in public. I am not going to influence by your anger, I tell deeply inside my heart. "Control anger," I said. Still responding rudely to me. Great, silent. Sit down in food court. He sorted out the thing in bag. Environment does not influence my calmness. Continue talking how I feel... already told I need to move out soon and need to pack things, I will get angry when things left at last moment to stress me out. Already told must take these back to your own home to keep if you want. My house is not a store room for your toys. Emotional abusive me in public by giving me that pissed off "black face". I am positive and I will act so! Two or more people have to make efforts to meet each other, not just by your own selfish thought only. Have you put your feet in someone else shoes? Finished uni, straight seeing you and not having proper dinner yet so hungry. Where is the appreciation?
He continue moving on. I asked "where are we going?", "go down", he came to hug and say sorry.
"Well, give me a valid reason when you angry next time". Still... no plan for meeting up the guest. So ridiculous rude when invited someone to meet so early before meeting and wandering around. Should ask the guest if want to have dinner and what preference should go for.
Introduced myself to Toshi-san. Went Max Brenner for a drink. Got 2 mint chocolates and tutti frutti waffle. Somehow we talked about 'Akihabara - otaku' and I forgotten he hate to be defined as that. If that is the case, don't ever tell anyone your definition then.
Chanting for H.X. safe journey, Ethan Lo successful surgery and speedy recover, all students good grade in assignments and exams.
I am very very angry! Stop using "Do you not want to company me?" as threatening! I am not your substitution relative of happiness! Where is my companion when I need you? I just let you do freely whatever you want. Have you consider in my position? Only you are becoming monster right now to keep demanding for your own sake of happiness. Do you ever care about how I feel? I call this 'selfish' attitude from you. You stay after meeting because it's his first time. 3 Monday weeks in the past, I have been going home by myself, so where is my companion that I want? I remember you said to me "Am I not allowed to do my own thing?" it's time for me to return this sentence to you. But without saying that out, I chanted inside my heart throughout the journey walk back to home. Still I feel the sense of anger in myself that can't keep quiet. No. I must breakthrough and not having the same karma.
I'm gonna chant for you still!
xoxo
Had conversation with H.X. while travelling on train, becoming strong for each other and supportive. Feel so grateful.
Reached uni. Print B2B hardcopy and drop at assignment box. Booked room at 12pm with Michael, Jess and Teresa. Then Winnie came to join us. Had lunch at 1.38pm Maccas. Michael started to ask about my 'boyfriend' and told him is 'Dylan' not your friend Dylan. LOL Explained a bit of background and everyone suddenly get interested in my age. Again! yes after Saturday. Winnie 86, me 87, Teresa 88, Michael and Jess forgotten haha... anyway I was defined as "look like 18". >_<"
I dressed up in peach colour jumper, grey skirt with Myer denim tartan pattern opaque stocking black and red to match my black shoes. Through this look, I think except living in Malaysia. Melburnians can hardly tell what's my exact age :p
Had a lot good discussion even while having Maccas talking about Japan and conversation in Japanese. Michael is gentleman :) offered me to throw away the rubbish. And he started to tease me about spreading rumours and we been talking about T.S. how he treat all the international students with that behaviour. Yuck.
Back to the room, with a little of squishy small room yet fulfilling discussion with examples are important to get through things to be covered in exam. I am so satisfy with discussion :) This is a good proper way to study and learning from each other. That reminds me how Geron teach me a lot for Accounting Principle in my 1st semester with Holmesglen.
Finished uni discussion. Left Holmesglen. Called him. He already at station. Cool. Meet at Flinders Station. Reach before him. Hate waiting and wasting time. Decided to walk home as no response from message. Collected mail, took cape, fill water bottle, pick up his books and games, left. Pwc, he called. Pass him books, can tell clearly written on the face "piss off". Rained, open umbrella. No plan of doing anything. I'm pissed off in my heart, did not show out at all.
Throughout tram journey to Melb Central. Give a very black face to me in public. I am not going to influence by your anger, I tell deeply inside my heart. "Control anger," I said. Still responding rudely to me. Great, silent. Sit down in food court. He sorted out the thing in bag. Environment does not influence my calmness. Continue talking how I feel... already told I need to move out soon and need to pack things, I will get angry when things left at last moment to stress me out. Already told must take these back to your own home to keep if you want. My house is not a store room for your toys. Emotional abusive me in public by giving me that pissed off "black face". I am positive and I will act so! Two or more people have to make efforts to meet each other, not just by your own selfish thought only. Have you put your feet in someone else shoes? Finished uni, straight seeing you and not having proper dinner yet so hungry. Where is the appreciation?
He continue moving on. I asked "where are we going?", "go down", he came to hug and say sorry.
"Well, give me a valid reason when you angry next time". Still... no plan for meeting up the guest. So ridiculous rude when invited someone to meet so early before meeting and wandering around. Should ask the guest if want to have dinner and what preference should go for.
Introduced myself to Toshi-san. Went Max Brenner for a drink. Got 2 mint chocolates and tutti frutti waffle. Somehow we talked about 'Akihabara - otaku' and I forgotten he hate to be defined as that. If that is the case, don't ever tell anyone your definition then.
Chanting for H.X. safe journey, Ethan Lo successful surgery and speedy recover, all students good grade in assignments and exams.
I am very very angry! Stop using "Do you not want to company me?" as threatening! I am not your substitution relative of happiness! Where is my companion when I need you? I just let you do freely whatever you want. Have you consider in my position? Only you are becoming monster right now to keep demanding for your own sake of happiness. Do you ever care about how I feel? I call this 'selfish' attitude from you. You stay after meeting because it's his first time. 3 Monday weeks in the past, I have been going home by myself, so where is my companion that I want? I remember you said to me "Am I not allowed to do my own thing?" it's time for me to return this sentence to you. But without saying that out, I chanted inside my heart throughout the journey walk back to home. Still I feel the sense of anger in myself that can't keep quiet. No. I must breakthrough and not having the same karma.
I'm gonna chant for you still!
xoxo
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Saturday
Dearest,
Woke up in a negative mood tearing out of sudden, lacking attention from him, I want some companion but I can't. How can I stay strong this far?
A lot of administration work to written up in my diary and sorting out bills after woke up. Went to Pwc atm the note dispenser started to act weird after the guy. I thought it would spit out some extra cash for me. Sadly it was not happened in the way I hope, walked to 7-11, this month that having the promo of $1 large chocolate or coffee, which is favourite promo to get cheap large coffee.
Managed to did morning prayer while waiting to be pick up. It's a beautiful morning, indeed. Full small car, bunch of pretty girls laughing out loud with free from unhappy. Today, I get to know so much more about Tephanie and A.M.
Back to the brunch journey...all the way to Brighton Old School place. The outlook seems like every other church:
T-rex is on your companion...
Outdoor environment, windy and bright
Without further delay... let's have a look into the Old School menu
Not to forget to mention, there are some school rules, nurse's office and etc. I really like the layout of the menu, from the right bottom, especially ethical business on 5 cents per coffee goes to ygap.com.au
Eh hem! We are meant to be Term 2 Autumn/Winter 2014 school kids that need to sing school song before the meal... ^_^
A.M and I love Latte with arts on it $4 on each
This is my plate of 3186 Loves - hastag #YOLO GF $19.5
Description: house cured salmon, potato hash, poached eggs, salmon roe, kale
Janet ordered: F.O.M.O pancakes $18.5
Description: lemon ricotta pancakes, caramelized fig, manuka honey, spiced mascarpone, pistachio fairy floss
H.X ordered: field of dreams (V) $16
Description: field mushrooms on superseed toast, poached eggs watercress, grueye cheese
A.M ordered: eggs bradley cooper ++ $19.5
Description: BSH special hollandaise, ham hock, poached eggs, field mushroom, english muffins
Tephanie snap pic time**
Me & Janette
The group of FIVE pretty with 86,87,88,89...whoops NO not couting the numbers!
Selfie time with a popping head out kekeke
Alright next we get a professional staff for a nice pic!
After the fulfilling brunch, we head back to city for chanting time. Janette has to go for another meetup. Poor Ken Ji been waiting at Carlton while we on the way back from traffic jam...
That was real great outing with everyone and chant.
Daniel and James heading towards Uniqlo for some shopping, it's been awhile as James getting a suit for wedding tomorrow. Warm heatech jeans imma on my hand! =) James been very patient to getting his shopping done at Myer while we waiting at Brunetti for strawberry and coconut cakie!
Getting upset and more upset while thinking of D, totally understand how busy he is at the moment, but I desperate want attention and care, meeting me and spend sometime with me. Checking back at my dear diary, we have not been spending time together much in the past three weeks and putting me real down time. I want to say "Have you forgotten me? I miss you dearly, stay with me".
Sitting across Myer Brunetti, looking at those beautiful stockings. I ask James, what do you think about the first on the left? He go: "It looks like Christmas!" x.x err Finally he has got his complete suits for $277 and head on to Target for a nice black shoes for $50.
Woke up in a negative mood tearing out of sudden, lacking attention from him, I want some companion but I can't. How can I stay strong this far?
A lot of administration work to written up in my diary and sorting out bills after woke up. Went to Pwc atm the note dispenser started to act weird after the guy. I thought it would spit out some extra cash for me. Sadly it was not happened in the way I hope, walked to 7-11, this month that having the promo of $1 large chocolate or coffee, which is favourite promo to get cheap large coffee.
Managed to did morning prayer while waiting to be pick up. It's a beautiful morning, indeed. Full small car, bunch of pretty girls laughing out loud with free from unhappy. Today, I get to know so much more about Tephanie and A.M.
Back to the brunch journey...all the way to Brighton Old School place. The outlook seems like every other church:
Not to forget to mention, there are some school rules, nurse's office and etc. I really like the layout of the menu, from the right bottom, especially ethical business on 5 cents per coffee goes to ygap.com.au
Description: house cured salmon, potato hash, poached eggs, salmon roe, kale
Description: lemon ricotta pancakes, caramelized fig, manuka honey, spiced mascarpone, pistachio fairy floss
Description: field mushrooms on superseed toast, poached eggs watercress, grueye cheese
Description: BSH special hollandaise, ham hock, poached eggs, field mushroom, english muffins
Me & Janette
After the fulfilling brunch, we head back to city for chanting time. Janette has to go for another meetup. Poor Ken Ji been waiting at Carlton while we on the way back from traffic jam...
That was real great outing with everyone and chant.
Daniel and James heading towards Uniqlo for some shopping, it's been awhile as James getting a suit for wedding tomorrow. Warm heatech jeans imma on my hand! =) James been very patient to getting his shopping done at Myer while we waiting at Brunetti for strawberry and coconut cakie!
Getting upset and more upset while thinking of D, totally understand how busy he is at the moment, but I desperate want attention and care, meeting me and spend sometime with me. Checking back at my dear diary, we have not been spending time together much in the past three weeks and putting me real down time. I want to say "Have you forgotten me? I miss you dearly, stay with me".
Sitting across Myer Brunetti, looking at those beautiful stockings. I ask James, what do you think about the first on the left? He go: "It looks like Christmas!" x.x err Finally he has got his complete suits for $277 and head on to Target for a nice black shoes for $50.
Koko Black @ The Arcade - Chocolate Tart with Vanilla Crest $8
Very enjoyable good evening to have a heart-to-heart dialogue and friendship bond growth.
Back to fighting for exam...
XoXo
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
31st March 2014 11:11AM
Dearest,
Yesterday marked my 2 years of membership in Australia and dad's birthday.
Today I have strong connection when I'm chanting to Gohonzon.
I vowed to have a life long kosen-rufu partner. Found this article from one of the blog by Jamie Silver Lee whom one of the member find it useful to make a set of determination for kosen-rufu partner.
The last bottom page which has a empty space to sign and write date. I decided to give it a go and written today date.
I pray to create value with my partner to make every land a Buddha Land. With respect and love, bring forth our buddhahood with love and compassion to shine through all people who are struggling in their love relationship.
I have been struggling for more than two weeks, feeling suffer and sorrow. Lacking of appreciation how my partner treated me. I love him completely and accepted the way he is which he wanted me from the very beginning; vice versus, it end up I pray he could accept me completely for who I am now. I am complaining. The behaviour and attitude have completely changed and swap between two of us. Lacking of treasure. Losing attractions and attentions. These are all the pain karma I have created in the past towards him and now in returns he did the same back to me. I must eradicate karmic retribution with Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.
He didn't message me anymore whenever he got up in the morning, of course I am upset. He is getting away and far away from me. I believe I have fulfilled my mission to encourage him to actively participate in activities. Now, perhaps is the time to move on? I can feel, the true feelings is not there from him anymore. Perhaps is just because busy with other things? I don't know. Doubts? YES. Chant? YES. Study? YES. Practice. YES. Someone told me to stop feeding love because it will stop someone to treasuring and appreciating while too much on it.
I ask Gohonzon, how can I improve this relationship? With wisdom, courage and compassion.
How can I strengthen the bond between us? Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.
I just want to tell the whole world, I still love you very much. My attention is all still you.
xoxo
Yesterday marked my 2 years of membership in Australia and dad's birthday.
Today I have strong connection when I'm chanting to Gohonzon.
I vowed to have a life long kosen-rufu partner. Found this article from one of the blog by Jamie Silver Lee whom one of the member find it useful to make a set of determination for kosen-rufu partner.
The last bottom page which has a empty space to sign and write date. I decided to give it a go and written today date.
I pray to create value with my partner to make every land a Buddha Land. With respect and love, bring forth our buddhahood with love and compassion to shine through all people who are struggling in their love relationship.
I have been struggling for more than two weeks, feeling suffer and sorrow. Lacking of appreciation how my partner treated me. I love him completely and accepted the way he is which he wanted me from the very beginning; vice versus, it end up I pray he could accept me completely for who I am now. I am complaining. The behaviour and attitude have completely changed and swap between two of us. Lacking of treasure. Losing attractions and attentions. These are all the pain karma I have created in the past towards him and now in returns he did the same back to me. I must eradicate karmic retribution with Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.
He didn't message me anymore whenever he got up in the morning, of course I am upset. He is getting away and far away from me. I believe I have fulfilled my mission to encourage him to actively participate in activities. Now, perhaps is the time to move on? I can feel, the true feelings is not there from him anymore. Perhaps is just because busy with other things? I don't know. Doubts? YES. Chant? YES. Study? YES. Practice. YES. Someone told me to stop feeding love because it will stop someone to treasuring and appreciating while too much on it.
I ask Gohonzon, how can I improve this relationship? With wisdom, courage and compassion.
How can I strengthen the bond between us? Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.
I just want to tell the whole world, I still love you very much. My attention is all still you.
xoxo
Sunday, March 30, 2014
星期天孤单的一个人
星期天对很多人来说，都是一个很轻松又自由的一天。可是这一天对我来说却是很无奈、孤单、矛盾。。。
从起床的那一刻，我只想填饱早上的肚子，再去忙该忙的东西。
他、睡到很迟才起身，因为三点钟早上还未睡。我很困、不管他，就这样熟睡了下去。我们过了一个很不愉快的晚上。
他对着我冷冰冰的语气和模样，内心真的很难过。
我只好跪在御本尊唱题。几分钟后，眼泪红框了的眼神，走到他身边。。。
就这样，他抱着我，我分享了我的不满。我不要短暂的幸福，我要永恒的幸福。每次唱题过后，都有开心的事情发生。我不要继续这样子。。他没回答什么，只是一直得轻拍着我的背。
到底要怎么办，我才能坚强的过活？
我真的很难过。。。
说着就这样带过去，他陪我做了勤行。然后，很想把佛坛上面，装上一个长灯。做了一些热research，就这样说了一句，走、去看看。说实在的，我们沟通语言常常有问题，一点小时就不开心，要如何过人世？
他，真的变了很多很多，从一个不爱讲话的男生，没有什么朋友；到变成了一个爱到处交友的人，既然见识了那么多不同的人，常为了点事情生我的气，不喜欢我的时候，为什么还要继续的交往？我真的无法明白这个动机。
从我的角度来看，我只是带动了他去广布的使命，并和前度带动我的使命一样没有分别。
到底我们会不会长久下去，如何相处根本就是一个超级大的问题。
他离我而去的音乐组，独自一人的去了买材料今晚烹饪。
回到家对着冷冰冰的屋子，我又难过了起来。。。
几时才能把这种痛苦的宿业转换掉？
从起床的那一刻，我只想填饱早上的肚子，再去忙该忙的东西。
他、睡到很迟才起身，因为三点钟早上还未睡。我很困、不管他，就这样熟睡了下去。我们过了一个很不愉快的晚上。
他对着我冷冰冰的语气和模样，内心真的很难过。
我只好跪在御本尊唱题。几分钟后，眼泪红框了的眼神，走到他身边。。。
就这样，他抱着我，我分享了我的不满。我不要短暂的幸福，我要永恒的幸福。每次唱题过后，都有开心的事情发生。我不要继续这样子。。他没回答什么，只是一直得轻拍着我的背。
到底要怎么办，我才能坚强的过活？
我真的很难过。。。
说着就这样带过去，他陪我做了勤行。然后，很想把佛坛上面，装上一个长灯。做了一些热research，就这样说了一句，走、去看看。说实在的，我们沟通语言常常有问题，一点小时就不开心，要如何过人世？
他，真的变了很多很多，从一个不爱讲话的男生，没有什么朋友；到变成了一个爱到处交友的人，既然见识了那么多不同的人，常为了点事情生我的气，不喜欢我的时候，为什么还要继续的交往？我真的无法明白这个动机。
从我的角度来看，我只是带动了他去广布的使命，并和前度带动我的使命一样没有分别。
到底我们会不会长久下去，如何相处根本就是一个超级大的问题。
他离我而去的音乐组，独自一人的去了买材料今晚烹饪。
回到家对着冷冰冰的屋子，我又难过了起来。。。
几时才能把这种痛苦的宿业转换掉？
Thursday, March 27, 2014
这一刻...我哭了
放了学后，只为见一面，带来不开心的争执，何必？简直是自讨苦吃的白痴！
难道除了批评我，不能接受我的坏处之外，这到底是不是爱？
爱不是理所当然的讨厌对方，盼着臭脸、一点小事情就生气的！
如果不能接受我的全部，为什么当初要选择在一起？
若你是重视我的，就包容我的全部，不要只会生气地责备我。
已经说了我不饿、还要硬硬的走去餐馆里。
从此以后我都不会将不开心的说出来，你也不必扮演学会安慰的角色了！
我没有倾诉的对象、只有知己可以分享我的悲哀。
我知道你不会是我的守护天使，你并不会陪伴我到最后的那一位。。。
是我的太天、真的相信我能改变命运！简直是宿业的涌现，让我盲目的眼睛擦亮双眼。
当然我明白也体谅你扶着重大的责任与课业，难道你就不能再济一点点爱给我吗？
我感觉很痛苦很痛苦，因为你给我的爱是短暂而到后来是带着面具的自私鬼。
祈求你能寻找到你的幸福，早日解决这个关系！不要再拖着我痛苦的走下去。。。
再见
难道除了批评我，不能接受我的坏处之外，这到底是不是爱？
爱不是理所当然的讨厌对方，盼着臭脸、一点小事情就生气的！
如果不能接受我的全部，为什么当初要选择在一起？
若你是重视我的，就包容我的全部，不要只会生气地责备我。
已经说了我不饿、还要硬硬的走去餐馆里。
从此以后我都不会将不开心的说出来，你也不必扮演学会安慰的角色了！
我没有倾诉的对象、只有知己可以分享我的悲哀。
我知道你不会是我的守护天使，你并不会陪伴我到最后的那一位。。。
是我的太天、真的相信我能改变命运！简直是宿业的涌现，让我盲目的眼睛擦亮双眼。
当然我明白也体谅你扶着重大的责任与课业，难道你就不能再济一点点爱给我吗？
我感觉很痛苦很痛苦，因为你给我的爱是短暂而到后来是带着面具的自私鬼。
祈求你能寻找到你的幸福，早日解决这个关系！不要再拖着我痛苦的走下去。。。
再见
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